Happy Birthday, My Forever Love…

So today, well actually yesterday now, was my late husband’s birthday. I tried to honor him by going to one of his favorite places, Sushi Train. It brought back many memories of dinners there, and the staff was concerned when I came in without him and because they hadn’t seen him for a long time. I tearfully informed them of the tragic news of his passing.

I am sorry that I do not have the energy to write this time. I’ve gotten very sick with a respiratory infection that may be turning into pneumonia, and I’m emotionally drained.

Writing used to be therapeutic and the words flowed easily, but right at this moment I am numb.

I will end this by saying that I miss David more than I thought possible, and I do not like this life without him. It’s not the being alone part that bothers me, it’s the being without him that I can’t stand.

As I try to sleep I will hope that tomorrow I will somehow cope better.

Published by The Philosophical Widow

Only some seven+ years after meeting and marrying my soulmate, I became a reluctant widow. It is a surreal experience, especially because my beloved husband was indomitable. There were so many health scares, times that medically he should not have survived, but beat the odds and went on to do better and better work, not to mention being a loving life partner. I changed dramatically during our time together...in him I found the safety and true love that I had always craved. This sense of safety and unconditional love allowed me to do the deep trauma work necessary to heal and become whole. I came to possess a strength that I never knew I had. I learned what true happiness felt like. I had it all in this amazing man. All except time, that is. “We loved each other enough for a lifetime, but tragically only had a moment.” Yet I am full of gratitude for having had the opportunity to love and be loved by this man. He was my world. Now I must learn who I am without being at his side and without him at mine. My only regret is that we did not have forever...

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